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Last Updated on October 11, 2022 by Jeff

How to Survive a Horror Movie with 6 Pieces of Fitness Equipment

We’ve all seen the movie scene: four teens have to escape a maniac who’s hot on their trail. There’s a getaway car right in the driveway — and it’s running, no less — but what do the victims do? They head for the creepy woods instead.

We know you’d never be this smooth-brained if you were caught in a similar situation. But what if you were stuck inside a horror movie and you had to rely on your own brains and brawn? What Halloween workouts will keep you among the living?

Never fear: we’ve compiled a list of the top 6 pieces of fitness equipment that can help you kick butt instead of kicking the bucket. Here are our favorite workout choices to become the swole survivor in a horror movie.

(Recommendation: grab your own so you can get buff ahead of time… good luck!)

1. Run For Your Life: Endurance Running on a Treadmill

After you make your way out of that pit with the lotion and the little dog, you’re going to have to high-tail it out of there. Are you in shape to run like your life depends on it?

Make sure you get yourself into top shape with a treadmill. Go for a model that adjusts the speed and incline automatically so you can train for sprints plus endurance.

More terrified of the price than the horror villain? Don’t worry: treadmills don’t have to slay your budget. Our suggestion: go for mid-range priced model that’s customer-approved.

Treadmill Survival Perks:

  • Adjusts to your level, from huff-and-puffing to the kitchen and back, to “I want to go to the Zombie Olympics so badly I can taste it.”
  • Affordable, home–use models save your money and your dignity.
  • Doubles as a towel rack when you’re trying to ignore the fact that you haven’t worked out in a few days. Sorry, a few weeks. (Our bad.)


2. “Keep Your Distance” Defense: Training Javelin

Yes, really. Let’s face it, there are times in horror movie situations where you don’t want to get too close. (The Alien franchise, Invasion of the Body Snatchers and The Thing come to mind.)

Get your throwing arm in killer shape with a training javelin. Worried about safety? This piece of training equipment is blunt at the end so you don’t nail anything until you really want to. Of course, when it’s time to battle, grab the one with a pointy end!

Training Javelins Survival Benefits:

  • You’ll be in shape to throw anything that’s available: fling records at zombies like Shaun and Ed in Shaun of the Dead.
  • Your shoulders will look so great, even the monster will be stunned.
  • The first victims in horror movies tend to have underwhelming physiques…just saying.


3. Stiff Arm that Creep with Forearm Strength: Hand and Wrist Grip

Speaking of nailing things, have you ever tried to pierce someone’s chest cavity with a stake or piece of iron? We hope you’re ready to do so, because in the old Hammer films as well as Bram Stoker’s Dracula, that’s how vampires are generally slayed.

Get a grip on the situation with a hand and forearm strengthener. Go old-school with a grip hand strengthener, or defeat the Head Vampire with a forearm blaster.

Hand and Wrist Grips Pros:

  • Squeeze it any time, anywhere and look like you mean business.
  • Portable, affordable, and can be taken wherever you may accidentally run into a murderous cannibal.
  • Gives your forearms the strength to do what your hypnotized fellow slayer can’t.


4. The Great Escape: Full Body Strength on a Rowing Machine

Gabe could have taken this tip in the movie Us instead of struggling with the motorboat. And we’ll bet the Signs characters could have used this tip, too: some monsters hate water.

Cornered by Jason on Crystal Lake or a bunch of creeps who look just like you? Row, row, row your butt right out of there with the jaw-dropping upper strength a rowing machine gives you. You’ll need to train for a bit in advance, so don’t wait on this life-saving device.

Think a rower is too big for your horror movie survival budget? Think again: today’s generation of rowing machines are more compact and more wallet-conscious than ever. Choose something portable so you can take your rower on your vacation to Camp Crystal Lake.

Monstrous Rowing Machine Benefits:

  • After you save the babe or boi, you can take them on a romantic boat ride. (Pro Tip:  wash off the gore first.)
  • Your core will get a great workout too, and who doesn’t want killer abs?
  • Fold it up and take it along in that Jeep you’re planning on not driving away in, since you’ll be running into the woods instead.



5. Body Strength to Keep Your Body Intact: Hit the Free Weights

For those times that the monster’s legs are longer (or faster), you’ll need upper and lower body strength. And don’t forget that core –– after all, that’s the place a cunning cannibal or starving zombie goes for first.

Who needs a gym when you can train to throw gingerbread men around in your own home? Go for a set of dumbbells that includes a bar so you can do squats and deadlifts as well as lying and standing exercises. We suggest an adjustable bar and set of starter weights; you can work your way up as you build more strength.

Break Free from the Ghoul with Free Weights:

  • If you’re not buff yet, you can just lob a kettle bell at the monster.
  • Body parts –– living ones, we mean –– may gain strength unevenly. With free weights, you can increase resistance on your arms when they’re ready but not for your squats if your thighs aren’t quite “there” yet.
  • You won’t realize you’re the one they’re referring to as a dumbbell when you don’t get into that car.


6. Keep Your Balance to Keep Your Head: Fitness Balance Board

You can be quick, strong and presumably smart…and still get tripped up at the last moment. (Remember Laurie from Halloween?) So if you don’t want to be one of those wobbly unfortunate victims that trip and fall, and often die, add some balance work into your horror movie survival routine. Our take: a balance board is a must-have if you’re planning on being chased any time soon.

As a bonus, balance boards and other balance fitness equipment give your abs and entire core (including your mid- and lower back) an amazing workout so you look great even when you aren’t running for your life.

Look for a balance disc or balance ball that’s rated for safety so you don’t take yourself out before the villain ever does.

Balance Board/Ball Horror Highlights:

  • They’re fun, and who doesn’t want to exit their existence smiling?
  • Believe it or not, between balancing with your arms and staying on the board, you’ll work out virtually your entire body.
  • Any age from kiddos to adults can use them, so hopefully you won’t have to run back to save the kid who’s standing there crying helplessly. Maybe they can hold their own for a change. Jeez.


Key Horror Movie Survival Fitness Takeaways:

Surviving a horror movie isn’t just about running for your life. And since so many would-be victims seem to be stunned into, well, ill-fated decisions, brute strength may come into play.

Don’t be caught out in the middle of the woods or a during an outbreak of hunger-inducing virus without a buff bod. In the game of survival, the fitness training equipment machines we’ve listed will help keep you head-on-shoulders above the rest – and alive.

Get fit, have fun, don’t die –– and happy Halloween, you swole survivor!